Gisborne’s Benn Lockyer said there’s a clear distinction between who you are now and who you were before, when you’ve lost a child.
He and his wife Sarah’s worlds shattered when their first baby, James, died three days after he was born, despite a perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy.
During labour, a blood clot formed in James’ umbilical cord, cutting off his oxygen supply, which led to a brain injury and his death.
Benn said it was the Red Nose charity which came to them at the time and helped them heal, connecting them with the support networks they might have struggled to find.
That’s why his family, including his two children Ella and Jack, are raising money for this year’s Red Nose Day, on Friday, August 12.
“It’s such a dramatic and unexpected event, and it’s something that’s just not talked about every often,” Benn said.
“You just feel really isolated and lost and confused, and not really sure how to process it. That’s where Red Nose provided really amazing support for us.”
Red Nose works to reduce sudden infant deaths, supporting families who have been impacted by the death of a baby or child. Money raised on Red Nose Day funds support services for the families who need it, as well as education programs for new parents.
The family raises money for the charity every year. Before the pandemic they would do chocolate drives, and even hosted big fundraiser events in the past.
Benn said his advice to those who have lost a child who were struggling was to “just focus on surviving”.
“The key thing for us at the start was just, get through today, because time just disappears and the days seem to stretch on forever… worry about tomorrow when you get there,” he said.
Details: www.rednoseday.org.au/fundraisers/bennlockyer/tribute
Elsie Lange
